


Evermore

by Veronica1986



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 08:13:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17998184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veronica1986/pseuds/Veronica1986
Summary: Emma Swan is about to marry Killian and Regina needs to deal with her feelings.





	Evermore

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a bit different from the ones I wrote. This one shot deepens Regina's feelings toward Emma. 
> 
> I wrote this fic back in 2017, after watching Beauty and the Beast live action, and when I heard Evermore I knew I needed to write this. 
> 
> It's not a happy story and it's just from Regina's point of view.  
> Maybe someday I'll write one from Emma's point of view or even a sequel to this one shot, but not for now.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> As usual, I don't have a beta.

Regina knew from the first time she laid eyes on Emma Swan, that she would be her ruin. What she didn't know, however, was that the stranger who had entered through her gates bringing her son would be much more than her ruin. It would also be her way back to the light, to love.

But as Regina had foreseen, Emma had been her ruin, and it was because of her that the mayor was in her office with a half-empty bottle of whisky at her side. No, this time her cider wouldn't be enough to placate what she had been feeling since hearing that Emma Swan was engaged to Killian Jones.

How could this be? How could Emma not see the kind of man Killian is? And she, as a friend - to think of herself as only as Emma's friend made her shrink involuntarily - shouldn't she warn her? No. Everyone knew about Regina's past and everyone in that town saw how much she struggled to change and forgive herself more than getting forgiveness from those she hurt in the past. In fact, she tried to open Emma's eyes once.  _You're too good for Hook._  But she didn't seem to listen. They were in hell to try to rescue him, to bring him back to _her arms._

Regina had loved Daniel and had loved Robin, but what she felt for Emma Swan was unlike anything she'd ever felt in her life.

Daniel had been her first love, the one she believed to be her true love. Innocent, sweet, with stolen kisses at sunset on the hill or at the stables. Daniel was ripped from her, brutally, cruelly. Losing Daniel made Regina go trhough a path she had never wanted before, one she had never imagined in her life while he lived in it. Her mother killed Daniel so Regina could be queen, forcing her to marry a man at least twice her age, and who had subjected her to things she had never imagined in her life. She vowed revenge, she killed, she tortured, she cursed.

Daniel's death made her life change in a way she never imagined was possible. Daniel was the promise of a quiet and loving life, away from her mother, away from all the evil she inflicted on her.

Robin, however, was her second chance. Even if she didn't believe much of it, even though she already knew to be madly in love with Emma Swan when they met, however, there was  _her_  Emma falling for that damn _pirate's_ charms _._

Killian never cared for anyone but himself. When he met Milah, he seduced her and took her from her husband and son, and although he may have truly loved her, he didn't care for the lives he destroyed to have her by his side.

Yes, he was handsome and good-talking, but he was also an obnoxious, a coward, who treated people, especially women, as objects, took them to bed and displayed them as trophies, and now he was there, displaying Emma as one more of his trophies.

Regina knew him well and knew, perhaps better than anyone else, that the change and heroism he claimed for himself weren't true, didn't belong to him.

Snow and Charming were charmed by him and seemed to really believe in his  _change,_  his  _heroism,_  and she tried to understand, since they were known as people who always seemed to see the best in others. Even in her worst days, Snow always believed that Regina would love again, the she would be that young girl she once met, but Emma? Emma was from the real world, she knew what people were like. She had a _superpower_. Why then did this superpower not seem to work when it came to Killian Jones?

Regina watched the untypical day at Storybrooke through her window, lost in so many thoughts that she barely seemed to notice the thick drops of rain colliding against her window. The crackling of the fire in her fireplace made the place cozy, and she remembered the night she'd met Emma.

It had rained all day and she didn't know where to look for Henry anymore. Her heart pounded as if she had ridden all day. Graham was doing his best to find her son, but it was in vain. When her hopes were fading, there she was. Crossing the stone path leading to the door of her house with Henry at her side.

That hideous red jacket, the curly hair falling down her shoulders, the faint smile she had offered when asked if it was the boy's biological mother, but there was a brightness in her eyes... that kind of glow that could lit anyone's way through the darkness.

At first, they fought like dog and cat and the threats were between the lines most of the time. On rare occasions these threats reached the surface, and these were the times when Regina felt her world flare up. Several times she found herself wanting to pin Emma against the wall after a heated argument and placate the desire she was feeling. It was just that. Desire. It had to be.

The weeks became months and months became years and with them, their relationship changed completely.

Regina was sure that Emma would change her life when her touch made her magic work and the portal opened, sending the wrath to the Enchanted Forest, but it was when Emma saved her again, taking her out of the way and falling into the portal that Regina was sure that Emma Swan would be her downfall.

Reluctant at first, she did her best to help bring Emma and Snow back and when she finally succeeded, she couldn't measure the relief she'd felt in her chest. However, there her ruin would begin. A few days later she discovered that not only did Emma and Snow came back through that portal, but also her mother and a _former ally_. Hook. And he's already set eyes on Emma. He already had her as his prey, his trophy.

As if that were not enough, Neal, Emma's ex, Henry's father and Rumplestiltskin's son had appeared in Storybrooke. Her heart once again clenched when she saw that the blonde still loved him, and it hurt even more to see that her son was doing everything to bring his parents together. What child wouldn't want to see their parents together, right? She wanted to scream at Henry that she was his mother, just like Emma and that he should want to see _them_ together. Not to make Emma go back to the man who had left her pregnant to be arrested, but she couldn't. Who would understand her feelings? Who wouldn't think it was just another Evil Queen plot to wound Snow White and get her revenge? It would indeed be the perfect revenge, except for the fact that it wasn't.

While all this was happening in her mind and heart and she thought things couldn't get worse, she found herself being handed over to a lunatic to be tortured. No one less than Killian himself had handed her to Greg, but Emma never discovered that detail. No one did.

Henry had been taken to Neverland by Greg and Tamara and then she and Emma embarked on a rescue mission. But of course, it would never be just the two of them. Hook was there with them. Snow and David was there too. Even Rumple was there and if all that wasn't enough, Neal also ended up appearing in Neverland.

Her son had been handed to Peter Pan, a demon in the form of a boy, the father of Rumplestiltskin. This eventually diverting her thoughts from Emma for some time, but not enough to avoid small displays of jealousy because of Hook or Neal and whenever this happened, she wanted to jump from the highest stone of that damned island. She couldn't let anyone know about her feelings or they could end up using it against her.  _Love is weakness._  Her mother's voice echoed in her mind whenever she thought of Emma. But what terrified her most was what Emma would think or say if she knew of her feelings for her. No! Emma could never know. Together they rescued Henry and returned home, but since her life was always a play by William Shakespeare, Hook and Neal returned with them and there they were, fighting like two teenagers for Emma's attention.

When they least expected a new curse had been announced and she had to see Emma and Henry leave. Regina's first sacrifice. As if seeing them leave wasn't enough, she had to deal with the fact that they wouldn't remember her anymore, they wouldn't know of her existence. Still she did the only thing she could at that moment. She gave them new memories. Memories in which they never had to say goodbye, memories in which they were always together, of a happy and lovely life together, and Emma didn't know but many of these memories were  _hers._  Henry's early years. From before he got _the book_. Memories of a time when they were just the two and her life seemed perfect for the first time. Memories of a time when she had been happy after many years. But her curse was that she would remember them every day, every second.

When the longing became unbearable, Regina took her heart and buried in the woods, in hopes that it would placate Henry and Emma's absence in her life.  _You won't feel better._   _You won't feel anything._  Snow's words came to her mind. The princess had found her when Regina was burying her heart.  _That's the point!_  It was the only thing she had said in response.

She met Robin as soon as they returned to the Enchanted Forest, but even with his beautiful blue eyes and soft voice hadn't awakened any feelings in her. He was handsome, of course, but Regina wasn't looking for beauty. It was then that Zelena had come into her life. The half-sister her mother had driven away from pure selfishness. The half-sister who harbored a hatred and envy for her that maybe not even Regina had felt anything like that for Snow, but deep down she understood. She knew the feeling. And when they least expected it, there they were back in Storybrooke and as if that wasn't enough, there  _she_  was. Hook had gone searching for Emma and had taken them back to town so he could free them from this new curse they were in. Emma had her memories, Henry however, had no idea who she was. A year had passed since the farewell at the town line and there was her heart, beating desperately in her chest the moment she laid eyes on Emma again.

Zelena's curse had been broken and Henry's memories returned. Meanwhile Emma and Hook became closer and she found out that Robin was actually the man Tinkerbell shown her one night in a tavern and she thought,  _why not?_

For some time, Robin had placated her feelings and she was able to feel happy with him and Roland. He was kind and did everything to please her, but still, there was a part of her that always sought Emma's eyes.

The rain against her window became stronger the moment Regina remembered when Emma sacrificed herself for her. At that moment her world seemed to disappear along with the blonde through the black vortex of magic. The dagger tinkled on the floor and Emma's name flashed on it.  _She sacrificed herself for you, Your Majesty._  Hook's angry voice echoed in her mind.

Of course, as if she needed someone to tell her what had just happened before her eyes.  _You've worked too hard to have your happiness destroyed._

Oh, if Emma only knew that her happiness had long since been destroyed.

Regina sighed when she found not only her glass, but also the bottle empty in front of her. Without trusting her legs to seek another, she made a quick movement with her hand and a bottle of whiskey appeared. She filled the glass and turned a generous sip as the liquid trickled down her throat.

She looked at her cell phone ringing again, this time with Snow's number flashing on her screen. No, she wouldn't take any calls today.

That night would be Emma's wedding and even feeling powerless, she wanted to have one of those superheroes' powers that Henry loved so much and make the rain stop so Emma could have a beautiful night at her wedding, but she couldn't do that, so she just took another generous sip of whiskey. Regina hadn't indulged into alcohol to drown her pain in a while, but what she'd been feeling ever since she'd heard of Emma's engagement was so intense, she could barely think, and at that moment the alcohol was her only comfort.

She couldn't say for sure how long she'd been locked in her office, immersed in memories of Emma and everything they'd been through since the day they met, but when the rain stopped Regina decided that if she would actually go to that damn wedding, she should stop drinking and start dressing. A quick move of her hand and she was in her bathroom.

A few hours inside her bathtub helped her relax and cleaned much of the alcohol's effect on her body. She didn't feel dizzy or nauseous anymore. Again, her cell phone rang, taking away another thought about Emma, this time from the day she went to that wish realm to rescue Emma from the Evil Queen's wish. _And singing Princess Emma isn't my favorite model._ Their banter had always been easy, and she liked that. The display of her cell phone showed Snow's name again, and, with a sigh, Regina resolved to answer, unable to avoid a slight smile on her lips at the other woman's concern on why she had refused all her previous calls and messages.

(...)

Regina looked at herself in the mirror once more and smoothed the dress Snow had chosen for that day. She would be Emma's maid of honor. Of course, Emma could only ask that to her  _best friend._  Her eyes watered and Regina took a deep breath to keep the tears from falling down her face. The lilac satin dress contrasted with her skin and highlighted her face making it impossible not to look at her, but the only person she wanted to receive glances was on the other side of the door of the small chapel that gave access to the convent church where the ceremony was set.

"You're not coming?" Snow's voice startled her, pulling her out of her thoughts. "Emma is waiting for you to begin."

"Of course." Regina offered the other woman a weak smile. "It's just... I've never done this before. The only times I've been in a wedding weren't the ones-"

"Regina," Snow interrupted. "This is no time to think about it. A lot has happened since then and we've forgiven you long ago. We are a family now."

The mayor just nodded and took a deep breath, opening the door, leaving Snow behind.

"Emma... " Regina breathed at the sight of the blonde for the first time in her wedding dress, letting her mask fall for a second. "You look beautiful." Her voice wavered and her throat burned with tears she tried not to shed.

"Thank you!" The blonde smiled at her through the mirror. "My mother thought the flowers would look good with the braid."

"Indeed." Regina rearranged her mask, slowly approaching the blonde. "But I think pink is not really your style. Here."

Regina waved her hand and the color changed from pink to white with small yellow details.  _As beautiful as you._  Regina thought, looking at her through the mirror.

Emma turned and their eyes met for the first time, making Regina's heart beat so fast that she was afraid Emma could hear it.

"You look beautiful too." She put her hands on Regina's bare shoulders, caressing absently and the brunette almost closed her eyes at the soft touch. "It seems my mother knows what she does when it comes to organizing a wedding."

"Believe me, she knows." Regina let a small laugh escape through her throat, remembering the countless balls Snow insisted on organizing during their past in the Enchanted Forest.

"I'm so glad you accepted be my maid of honor!" In an unexpected gesture, Emma hugged her like she had never done before. There was something in Emma's voice that Regina couldn't place but the feeling of Emma's body against hers made everything around disappear.

Regina rested her chin on the blonde's shoulder, letting herself be carried by the faint scent of cinnamon and cocoa, so characteristic of Emma, now mixed with the scent of flowers in her hair.

"I couldn't refuse my best friend's request." Regina felt her throat burn with the word, but she took a deep breath trying to keep her mask.

She couldn't let Emma realize now. Neither Emma nor anyone else. It was too late. Reluctantly, she pulled out of the embrace and took a few seconds to watch the blonde again before they left the chapel.

"Are you ready?" Snow pulled her head through the door and a smile lit up her face.

They nodded and the other disappeared down the hall making their way to the altar before they could say anything. Then David appeared at the door to take Emma to the altar.

"You two look beautiful!" He alternated his eyes between them.

Regina smiled at him as she took the lead, making her way to the altar, standing next to Henry. The boy whispered how beautiful she was and offered his arm. Regina was doing her best to ignore Hook on the other side of the altar and a victorious smile on his lips. He probably knew what Regina felt for Emma and it irritated her even more.

The trumpets sounded announcing the bride's entrance, and as if commanded by an invisible force, Regina turned to see Emma enter.

This same force was responsible for seeming to crush her heart slowly with every step Emma took on her way to the altar. Though she was marrying the man she said she loved, her smile did not reach her eyes. That glow that Regina liked so much to see in those emeralds wasn't there but stopping to think, Emma's eyes hadn't shone in a long time.

At that moment Regina thought that she still wanted to be like the day she interrupted Snow White's and Prince Charming wedding in the Enchanted Forest, but she was no longer that woman. She didn't put her feelings above anyone else's. Not anymore. If Emma said she loved him and was happy with him then who was she to say otherwise? She couldn't.

Throughout the ceremony, she found herself lost in memories of her life. Memories of Daniel, her mother, Emma, Robin, everything she had lived since it was possible to remember and avoided looking at the bride at all costs, for she wasn't sure she could stay there if she did. Every now and then her eyes met Zelena's among the citizens scattered through the benches, and her sister seemed lost in thought as well.

 _You can kiss the bride._  Archie's voice echoed through the cheers coming from all sides and at that moment Regina awoke from her memories noticing for the first time that she was crying. It was over.  _Her_  Emma Swan was officially the pirate's wife.  _Hers._  Regina smiled bitterly. Emma had never been and would never be  _hers._  At the same time, she knew that Emma would be forever in her life. They had a son together. Henry would always be the connection between them even if one day everything collapsed. Even if one day their  _friendship ended_. He would always be there to remind her of Emma Swan.

Even if she ran away, Emma Swan would never let her. She would always be in her thoughts, always in her life. Emma had that thing that no matter what happened, she always found Regina.

A dry laugh escaped her throat at the thought.  _I'll always find you_. That damn motto. That damn sentence. No, Emma had never said this to her, but she didn't need to, because acts are worth more than words and she and Emma _always_  found each other, no matter how or which realm or reality.

Regina was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed that the time to greet the newlyweds had arrived. She wiped her tears and struggled to offer the best smile her lips could give. A smile that she reserved only for Emma or Henry and, taking a deep breath, followed the small group to greet the newlyweds. A brief handshake to Hook, and when she was going to do the same with the blonde, Emma simply involved her in a hug so tight as they exchanged in the chapel before the ceremony. For some reason she still didn't quite understand, since their first hug - at Snow's house when she discovered the engagement - the others came almost like a routine between them. Something she longed for so many years had suddenly become something they did whenever possible.

After the greetings, they went to the mansion where the reception would be held. No, Emma hadn't asked her that, but as her  _best friend_  Regina thought it was the right thing to do.

Now, however, she was extremely sorry for that decision. What the hell was she thinking when she decided to do this?

Hook was beside Emma all the time holding her close to him as if she were his property, like a trophy to be displayed around.

Regina didn't know how many glasses of cider and champagne she had taken, let alone how many doses of whiskey or any other available drink had come down ripping her throat.

Staggering, she stood up to pick up another one just as David drew everyone's attention to propose a toast to the newlyweds. She picked up a glass of champagne and paused to listen to what he had to say, not realizing that her tears came back down silently down his face as he did so.

"Regina... " Zelena touched her shoulders gently. "Since when?"

"No." The brunette wiped her tears and turned quickly. "Don't you dare."

"Regina-"

"Zelena, don't." Her voice rose, attracting the guests' attention. Her eyes met briefly with Emma's and she felt her heart clench. "Please."

Before the redhead could say anything or that Emma could reach her, Regina had disappeared in her purple smoke.

"What happened?" Emma asked confused. She had noticed that the brunette was a little  _out_ that day. Drinking glass after glass, not to mention the countless cups of cider or champagne, but Emma knew that there wasn't the place to talk about what was bothering the mayor. She intended to wait until the wedding reception was over, or until the next day when Regina would be calmer, but apparently, that would no longer be possible.

"You idiot! " The fire in Zelena's eyes was fierce like that of a mother protecting a son.

Before anyone could ask anything else the witch disappeared into her green smoke and reappeared in front of Regina's vault next. She was sure that the sister had gone there since her home wasn't a refuge at the time.

"Regina?" Zelena's voice echoed through the stone walls.

"Go away."

There was no need to search much. Regina was sitting on a diva in one of the rooms in her vault. Her face was hidden in her hands, hair falling on her sides and tears dampening the fabric of her dress.

"I'm not going anywhere," Zelena said softly and sat down beside her sister, wrapping her arms around her.

At first, Regina was reluctant, but when Zelena began to caress her shoulder gently the brunette gave in, leaving all her pain visible through the thick tears that ran down her cheeks and wet her sister's skin while her sobs ripped through her throat in the midst of her tears.

"I love her so much." Regina sobbed into her sister's arms.

"I know, dear." Zelena caressed her hair and held her tightly against her body.

Losing Daniel destroyed her, but there was nothing she could do about his death. With Robin, it was the same thing, but Emma... Emma was alive. She would have to deal with the pain of seeing the person she loved belonging to another every day, for the rest of her life.

Zelena didn't know how long they stayed there without exchanging a word, but when Regina finally fell asleep in her lap, she wrapped them in her green smoke and led them to her house, avoiding the mansion.

She tucked Regina into her bed and sent a message to Henry telling him that they were okay and asking if Snow could take care of Robyn for that night. When the boy said yes, she thanked him and put her cell phone away.

Zelena waved her hand, changing their dresses for something more comfortable and then lay down next to her wrapping her sister in a hug until she fell asleep too.

 


End file.
